Eating by myself or eating with my friends – which one should I choose? There’s a lot of thinking that goes into such a simple question. We spend a good number of our meals eating with someone – family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers – but sometimes we forget we also have the option to eat by ourselves.
There are so many great things about eating by yourself. You can eat at your own pace and not have to watch someone else finish their food or watch someone watch you finish your food. You can eat whenever you want and not have to awkwardly wait outside the restaurant for your friend who shows up late. You can eat wherever you want and not have to think about whether your friend wants to eat there too. You can enjoy every bite and not have to worry about timing your chewing so your mouth isn’t filled with food when your friend asks you a question. It’s peaceful and quiet, and you can place all your focus on your food.
With so many pros to eating alone, why even think about eating with others? Well, when you eat with others, you get the social aspect of eating. You can have great conversations over food, use that hour of lunch to catch up, and just share the wonderful experience of eating. Whether your preference is eating by yourself or with others, it really doesn’t matter as long as you’re enjoying it because there’s only so many meals you will eat in your life.
So what is there to think about in my head when someone asks me, want to grab a bite? It mainly boils down to who I will be eating with because that can affect the entire experience of the meal. If you’ve ever had really good food with not-so-good company, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Everyone eats differently, and that’s fine – but sometimes it really makes you wonder, why are we even eating together? Below are some situations you’ve probably encountered at some point in your life.
The Why-Are-We-Eating-Together
Ding! You have a new message. You always hear adults (the older generation) complaining about how kids (the younger generation) are always on their phones at the dinner table, but I think it applies to more than just the younger generation. I have sat through meals where it was just me and two elders and both of them were on their phones the entire time. Every time I tried initiating a conversation, I would get short responses with no sense of interest or even a glance up from their phones. I had to be polite to my elders so I quietly ate my food, but in between every bite, I stared at them to see if they would notice. They didn’t.
People who are always reaching for their phone during a meal are pretty rude. That text message can wait! If it is an urgent matter that they must attend to, that would be a different story, but most of the time, it’s only to respond to their texts, or even just to scroll through their feed or check their emails. I guess that just tells you that you’re not as important as whatever is on their phone. You might as well have just gotten the food yourself since there’s nobody to talk to in person anyway.
It’s even more ridiculous when the person comes across a funny post on their phone and they would laugh, show you their phone, and say, haha, look at this, it’s so funny. Well, I’m surprised you remember that I am here, and I’m so glad you are enjoying that post more than you are enjoying the meal with me. Why did you even ask to get lunch if you are just going to be on your phone the whole time? I accepted your invitation to lunch and set aside the time to get lunch with you, and honestly, I would’ve enjoyed the meal much more if I had eaten by myself. Next time, I’ll just text you throughout lunch – that’ll save some time from not having to meet up at a location too.
Let’s talk it out over lunch. Aw man, can I pass on this? This is the meal with someone who is clearly upset or angry at you. They schedule a meal with you to talk about it, and there’s two ways the meal could go: they actually talk to you about it or they sit and eat in silence, waiting for you to say something. Either way, it’s not the most comfortable meal.
If they talk to you about it during the meal, the good thing is that at least they’re talking. The topic is probably something you don’t really want to remember because it had caused tension between the two of you, and although it needs to be resolved at some point, that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to talk it out over lunch! Now you have to listen extra carefully to what they are saying and also think very carefully about how to respond as you are eating your food. If you spend an extra second to chew and swallow, maybe they will think you’re still holding a grudge against them. If all goes well and the conflict is resolved, the only uncomfortable part is the first half of the conversation, when you guys are still figuring things out. If conflict is not resolved, then you will both just be in a bad mood the whole time, which will affect the food! Every time you eat at that restaurant or eat that food again, you will be reminded of this meal – you can almost taste the extra saltiness in every bite.
When the person scheduling the lunch doesn’t say anything to you as you guys eat, that is scary. It means they are still mad at you and haven’t figured out how to initiate the conversation – they are waiting to hear what you have to say for yourself. It’s almost like you have to guess what they are mad at you about! This will turn into a miserable meal because no matter what you say, it seems like they will still be mad. You will forever remember this meal and how you felt as you hopelessly ate your food.
The Rushed
Hurry up and finish your food! – the thoughts and words of one who is always rushing to the next activity, even if there is no next activity. You can see and hear the difference between someone who is enjoying their food and someone who is rushing through their food or eating just to eat. Even if you’re just eating a cup of ramen or having leftovers for lunch, take it one bite at a time. Don’t just swallow your food with barely any chewing – chewing also helps with digestion!
Rushing through your food makes the people eating with you anxious too, because the speed of your chopsticks picking up your food is quadruple their speed and even the sounds you make when you eat are faster and louder than normal. What’s the rush? Can you really taste the flavor and appreciate the work of the cook when you are eating your food so quickly? Personally, I cannot enjoy my food when someone else at the table is rushing through theirs. I can still enjoy my food with fast eaters, but with rushed eaters, it ruins the meal! There is this sense of urgency in their eating that makes you feel like you are running late to something important and you can’t stop running until you arrive. You would think you’d feel relieved when you make it to the end, but actually, you just feel like your food is just stuck in your throat, which is not a good feeling.
The Background Check
Did you graduate already? What are you doing now? How much do you make? Are you dating anyone? Yes, it’s exactly what you’re thinking – family dinners and reunions with people you don’t really keep in contact with too much throughout the year. The first two questions are more general, like a conversation starter to see what they can actually talk to you about. The last question usually comes from family friends, who are very curious about when they can attend your wedding and love reminding you that your cousin is already married and expecting a child soon. Overall, these questions are not too bad, but sometimes it makes you rethink your relationship with these people – maybe you should keep in touch with them more so that you’re not retelling your entire life for most of the meal every time you see them.
The “how much do you make” question is one that surprises me every time, especially when it comes from someone I don’t even know that well. Why do you need to know how much I make? I had a friend from school that I had known for quite some time, but we were never very close. We haven’t seen each other for a few years and another friend reached out to get dinner together. While I’m not a fan of these reunion dinners, I decided to go anyway. Only a few minutes into the “what are you doing now” question, the “how much do you make” question came up. I gave the general “enough to live happily” response, but no, they were not satisfied. They immediately followed up with, “how much do you get paid per hour? What is the exact rate you get paid? How many hours do you work every week? Do you get paid overtime?” and proceeds to try calculating exactly how much I make and comparing it to her own salary.
This was too much. Not only were the questions a bit personal to begin with, but the way that they asked it was too rude. We hadn’t even sat down for dinner yet, and let’s just say it was a horrible meal and that I would probably not want to meet up with these people again.
Part of these questions is to check in on you, but another part is that they are just nosy and want to compare you to another person. A background check meal? No thanks!
The “I’m Not That Hungry”
I’m not that hungry – here, take some. Why did you order all this food? This is more for meals where you wouldn’t typically pack up your leftovers, like when you are traveling. You usually order food for yourself, but there are some people who order “their” food, but when the food is brought to the table, they say, oh, I’m not that hungry, I was planning to share with you. What?! But I ordered the amount I was going to eat and didn’t plan to eat more than what I had ordered…They did not bring up that they were going to share with you, and now there’s all this extra food left!
I’m not that hungry, I’ll just take a few bites from your food. You sit down, pick up the menu, and this is what you hear – not a good start. If you had known your friend wasn’t hungry, you would’ve suggested to go somewhere else so that they have more options for a light snack! Plus, now you also have to think about if what you order is something they like too since they want to eat a bit of your food…
Which situations do you encounter most often? I’m sure there are many other instances that make you reconsider whether you want to eat with others or eat alone, but these are some of the most common ones I’ve experienced. Want to grab a bite? We can talk about it over a meal…or not.